I was supposed to un-decorate the Christmas tree today, but I ended up getting lost in "Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince." I finished "Order of the Phoenix" last night and was still caught off-guard by Sirius' death. That and how awesome of a wizard Neville is becoming. I really hope he gets a great finish in the 7th book. After my parents got home from work, my mom wanted some background noise, so I turned on "The Muppet Show" and my youngest brother mocked me. He thinks he is so cool, but someday all my nerdiness and obsession with bonus features is going to pay off. I'm not sure how, but it will. After a few episodes, I switched to actual TV and settled on TCM, a luxury channel I REALLY wish we got at school. Not that there aren't enough distractions.

It turns out that tonight is Russ Tamblyn night, starting with his performance as Riff in "West Side Story." I cried along with Maria and even my mom teared up. Then came "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers" and let me tell you-there is no one like Howard Keel... ooh, was I born in the wrong generation. Well after that lovely feature, Robert Osbourne introduced me to a new film starring "Rusty" Tamblyn called "Tom Thumb." Sounded really cute and fun by the introduction, and it was cute and fun- to the point of making me want to vomit. Ask most of my friends and they'll tell you I am a five-year-old at heart, buying into every corny gimmick out there, but this was too much even for me. So, I'm retreating back to "Half Blood Prince."

Only 5 days left in Missouri. I still haven't started packing and every time I think about Florida, this huge wave of pride in St. Louis and Columbia washes over me, along with a million happy memories of childhood, high school, and college. Then comes the avalanche of worries that I'll run out of money, won't make any friends, will fall so far behind in school it will take me a decade to graduate, get kicked off the program and never be allowed to work for Disney again, be awful at my job, and the worst: not making any real connections or opening any career doors throughout the whole 8 months. I can't be just another cast member or college program participant. I have to stand out. This program is my big chance and if I blow it, I will never be able to forgive myself. I've come this far and I am absolutely scared to death that this is the end of my good luck train.

Wow- now that I've sufficiently scared myself half to death, I'm going to read about Harry Potter. I've definitely got less to be scared of than him.